Wednesday, September 25, 2013

10 BOLD Predictions for the 2013-2014 Canucks

Everyone loves a list, right? Even crappy ones that don't go in depth on why each submission is on the list, right? Excellent.

This list may appear overly negative but I think it's gonna be a negative season, so..

  1. One of the Sedins will get hurt, blocking a shot, while penalty killing. Probably Daniel.
     2.  Jason Garrison will lead the Canucks defencemen in scoring.

     3.  David Booth will not finish the season as a Canuck. Seems hard to imagine another team would take him and his contract on but I think at the deadline, someone will come calling.

    4.  John Tortorella will have his first post-game meltdown after an Oct. 10 loss at home vs San Jose

    5.  Zack Kassian will be shuffled throughout the lineup through the season, never looking particularly comfortable on any line.

   6.  At some point during the season, news will leak of a rift between Torts and Kevin Bieksa. 

   7.  The Canucks will be a top 5 penalty killing team and a bottom 5 power play team.

   8.  For the first time since the 2007-2008 season, the Canucks will not get 100 points.

   9.  Henrik Sedin will have his lowest points per game season since the 2003-2004 season.

   10.  The Canucks will grab the second wildcard playoff spot (8th seed), setting up a first round matchup with the St. Louis Blues where they will lose in 5 games.


The terrible, terrible, terrible new morning show on the Team1040 will end in its current format around Christmas time. Everyone will realize what a horrible mistake they made. Bro Jake will go away, hopefully to never be heard from again. Pratt will stay at the station.

Thursday, April 25, 2013

A brief message from the team

Hey Roberto,

You're easily the best goalie in franchise history. You've been a great teammate all season long, under very difficult circumstances. You've shown your personal side via twitter and won over many of your harshest critics. With this VERY likely being your last home game as a Canuck, we plan to honor your greatness and legacy as a Vancouver Canuck, by taking a huge dump in front of you against an undermanned Anaheim team. Enjoy the crapfest, Bobby Lu!

- Your 2013 Vancouver Canucks.

Saturday, April 13, 2013

Tiger Woods controversy

Not a huge Tiger Woods fan but I do believe he should be playing today. He incorrectly dropped the ball on the 15th hole yesterday. The penalty for that is 2 shots, which he was penalized this morning. He had been led to believe he DID NOT violate any rules yesterday, thus giving him the go-ahead to signing what LATER turned out to be in an incorrect scorecard.

I think as many golf "experts" have speculated this morning, Tiger got confused on two of his options. One of his options would have allowed him to drop the ball further back, as long as the point where the ball entered the hazard stayed between the hole and where he would hit his next shot from. He did not choose that option.

Woods has been penalized for dropping the ball incorrectly. Do we want Tiger Woods out of the tournament for signing an incorrect scorecard? I don't. With that being said, The Masters is bigger than Woods and has a star-studded leaderboard, and would be fine without him.

Wednesday, April 3, 2013

"We Tried Our Hardest"

What a terribly disappointing day, as a Canucks fan.

Yesterday, Laurence Gilman went on the team1040 and surprisingly, was very open about the Canucks mindset of being "all in" on going for the Stanley Cup this year. In a city with a rabid fanbase, expectations for something significant happening today went through the roof. So what did they do? Nothing. And now, most Canucks fans are legitimately pissed off.

I've been a Mike Gillis fan until recently. His handling of the Roberto Luongo situation has been embarrassing and he has been laughed at by fans and media from around the continent. Luongo is obviously a very good goalie, one of the top 10 in the league. With that being said, it shouldn't have taken long for Gillis to realize he was not going to get anywhere near equal value in return for him. So instead of sucking it up and moving Luongo for whatever he could, the stubborn Gillis kept Luongo and his 5.3 cap hit. That 5.3 cap hit will likely be sitting on the bench, wearing a baseball cap come playoff time. Cap space not well utilized, to say the least. For an aging core group whose window is closing as we speak, it is unacceptable.

Luongo was pulled off the ice about 10 minutes prior to the deadline. Speculation hit a peak on twitter with regards to him being moved but of course, nothing happened. Apparently, as Luongo stated in his presser, they were just preparing him and getting the clearance from him on a possible trade. You would've thought this kinda thing would've been sorted out well before hand but who am I to say? Some in the twitterverse, believe this was bush by the Canucks.

Luongo gave one of the all-time great press conferences. It's so rare to hear a pro athlete show so much raw emotion and honesty. "My contract sucks" and "I'd scrap it right now if I could" were the two huge admissions coming from Roberto. That tells you all you need to know with regards to how badly Luongo wants out. He turns 34 years old tomorrow. That's not young for an NHL goalie. He likely has 3 or 4 more years left as a premier goaltender. He will be spending the rest of this season as a backup, barring an injury to Schneider.

I was highly critical of Luongo in the past but he has totally won me over with self-deprecating nature on twitter. The guy is the funniest athlete on twitter, if you ask me. I was strong in my belief that Schneider was the future of the Canucks in net but I've definitely changed my tune on that. You can get a lot more for Schneider. Luongo's window as a great goalie is in sync with the team's overall window. Eddie Lack can learn under Luongo. It just makes more sense. Luongo's cap hit is high but it's not outrageous. The issue is how damage has been done to what's left of the relationship between the player and management.

What bothered me almost as much as Stay Still Gill (credit to Jason Botchford for that nickname) doing nothing today was his predictable bullshit in his press conference. All I hear from this guy and his beloved head coach is EXCUSES. If I had a dollar for every time these guys have mentioned it being a short season, I'd be a multi-millionaire. And prices were high? Really? Every year prices are high, or so we're told. Hey Mike Gillis, I suggest you should be in "win now" mode or you won't have much of a future to worry about in Vancouver. I also despised Gillis poo-pooing Luongo's comments about scrapping his contract if he could. Maybe it's true, maybe it's not but if I'm Roberto Luongo, that doesn't rub me the right way. The fact is Michael D Gillis signed Luongo to that contract and he has claimed through this whole process that the ridiculous length of that contract has not been a hindrance in making a move. I'm just a stupid fan and obviously not privy to the wheelings and dealings but there is no way Michael D Gillis can pass a lie detector test with that comment.

Darren Dreger tweeted about 90 minutes before the deadline:

"The Canucks are involved in at least 4 trade discussions ranging from Luongo potential to depth players. Now waiting."
What happened to these discussions? Price was too high on all of them? Gillis said in his presser "We tried hard". Obviously not hard enough.

Hard to imagine the Canucks getting past the second round, even with a healthy Kesler and Derek Roy. If they come up short of getting to a Stanley Cup Finals, this has to be the summer that Vigneault is relieved of his duties. And if it's a one and done, maybe the future of Mike Gillis is in jeopardy.

I made the moronic comment of saying I wouldn't tweet if the Canucks didn't make a deal today. So as tough as that will be for me, I'll do it.

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

NFL Power Rankings (October 10)

Everyone loves power rankings, right? Ok, maybe not but it seems like more and more people are doing them, so why can't a jackass like me?

These rankings are done without looking at the standings or any statistics. I am ranking the 32 teams on my vast knowledge of the National Football League. Seriously. Let's go.

32. Jacksonville Jaguars - sometimes I forget these guys are still in the league, and if you look in the stands, I think most of Jacksonville shares that thought.

31. Cleveland Browns - this a terrible team, a terrible franchise, playing in a terrible city. I do like Trent Richardson, though.

30. Kansas City Chiefs - Tim Tebow scores more off and on the field than the mighty Chefs. Great fans looked like jabronies booing Cassel when he got hurt. Boo Romeo for not pulling him earlier.

29. Tennessee Titans - Chris Johnson....wa happened? He's done. Hate to see Matthew Hasselbeck end his career with this group.

28. Carolina Panthers - Cam Newton....wa happened? Steve Smith and Cam aren't on the same page. And their defense blows.

27. Oakland Raiders - not gonna lie. I haven't watched one second of the Raiders this season. Can't imagine they deserve to be higher than this.

26. Buffalo Bills - Ryan Fitzpatrick is a milt. A highly overpaid milt....which is the worst kind. They should unite with the Toronto Argos and form one real football team.

25. New Orleans Saints - I'm tired of hearing about Drew Brees and this franchise. Until Hurricane Katrina, this franchise was a pimple on the enormous ass of the NFL.

24. Tampa Bay Bucs - You're in good hands with Alstott! What? He retired 5 years ago? Shit. Who cares?

23. New York Jets - I've been a Mark Sanchez defender. I still believe he can be a good qb if you put quality players around. His receivers are awful. I thought a Rex Ryan team was supposed to have a great defense. I'd fire Sexy Rexy after this season.

22. Miami Dolphins - nice to see Reggie Bush excelling in South Beach. Tannehill is gonna be a solid qb for them. Cam Wake is a monster.

21. Detroit Lions - Not sold on how good Matt Stafford is. NFC North is very strong this season, so the Lions won't sniff the playoffs.

20. Dallas Cowboys - I've been a Tony Romo defender but unlike with Sanchez, I'm losing hope on Romo. Way too inconsistent. Makes a lot of poor decisions. This team has obvious talent but they're going nowhere.

19. Cincinnati Bengals - I know almost nothing about this team. Andy Dalton is a player. Do they still love signing criminals?

18. Indianapolis Colts - Suck for Luck, indeed. Tremendous comeback against the Packers. Props to Reggie Wayne for sticking around. Get well, Chuck Pagano.

17. Washington Redskins - RG3 is the real deal. Mike Shanahan is still a rat.

16. St. Louis Rams - I know they beat the Seahawks but let's be honest, Seattle is the better team. Biggest weapon is their freak kicker. It doesn't seem right that once the Rams get on opponent's side of the field, they're in fg range. Sam Bradford - big Canucks fan!

15. Denver Broncos - Eli's brother has a spaghetti arm. His balls are fluttering. What? You know what I'm saying. Not a John Fox fan at all.

14. Seattle Seahawks - oh, how you frustrate me. A top 3 defense and a bottom 3 offense. Can beat anyone at home, and lose to anyone on the road. I hope it's a short leash on RW but I'm afraid it's not.

13. Philadelphia Eagles - a couple lucky wins so far. these guys can't hold onto the ball to save their lives. Mike Vick takes better care of his dogs than he does the football (and no, I won't let it go). Playoffs or bust for Andy Reid.

12. San Diego Chargers - Norv, Norv, Norv. Remember when people thought of Phil Rivers as a borderline elite quarterback? It's true, they did!

11. Pittsburgh Steelers - these guys are getting long in the tooth and it's showing. the defense isn't as good as once was and Big Ben is fat.

10. Green Bay Packers - I know they have a crap record and are getting hit by injuries but I think they're still a playoff team and potentially dangerous. Big questions on the o-line though.

9. NY Giants - So Eli will end up having a better career than Peyton? Seems crazy. Peyton, you can keep those stats, Eli will keep the SBs.

8. Arizona Cardinals - the NFC West is all of a sudden the best division in football after being a laughing stock for the last 5 years. Cards are most impressive on the defensive side. Can they keep it up? With Kevin Kolb? No.

7. Baltimore Ravens - this seems low for them but that 9-6 "masterpiece" against the Chiefs left a sour taste in my mouth. KC ran the ball up and down the field on them. As the Iron Shiek would say "Flacco the real?"

6. Chicago Bears - Jay Cutler is a child. Their defense is still dominant and puts points on the board. I sense an ugly playoff loss for this team and Cutler crying on the sidelines.

5. Minnesota Vikings - I love what I've seen from Christian Ponder. He looked awesome against SF a couple weeks ago. Percy Harvin is having an MVP type season and I would like him on my fantasy football team.

4. Houston Texans - I know they're undefeated and two weeks ago, I thought they were the best team in the league. Didn't impress me against the Jets. Not sure the d will hold up though the season. Will get to the AFC Championship game against....

3. New England Patriots - sure, they're only 3-2 but they still have Brady and Belichick, and with those two, anything is possible. They get Hernandez back this week. Gronk is unstoppable. Running game making the difference.

2. Atlanta Falcons - A lot of playmakers. Jones, White and old man Gonzalez is still getting it done. Will be tough for any team to beat them in the dome in January.

1. San Francisco 49ers - ugh. As a Seahawks fan, this was not easy. But really, this was easy. Dominant defense, very good special teams and all of a sudden Alex Smith is not only an average NFL qb, he's a very good NFL qb. He's not a "game manager" as some believe. He is making big throws down the field to his various talented targets. Barring injury, hard to imagine anyone knocking them off on their run to the Lombardi Trophy. Harbaugh is still a prick, though.

Friday, July 13, 2012

Judging American Idol's Judges

I used to love American Idol. I loved the judges - Simon, Paula and Randy. In season 8, they added Kara DioGuardi. I was not a fan of hers to say the least but still enjoyed the show. Season 9, they made the terrible decision to replace Paula Abdul with Ellen. Paula was a bit wacky but that was a positive. You never knew what kind of nonsense she would spew out. Ellen, although a really likable and popular celebrity, simply didn't work as a judge. It was a nightmarish season, and it started Idol's decline.

In season 10, Simon Cowell, the star of the show, left to focus on his other projects. Ellen was gone, and nobody cared. Idol decided to bring in major star power with Jennifer Lopez and Aerosmith's Steven Tyler. I was stunned that both of those musicians signed on to be a judge on a show that was openly mocked by numerous entertainers in its early seasons. I gave the new judges a chance but quickly lost interest in the show. Jlo was nice enough, probably too nice but lacked backbone. Steven Tyler was often in his own, bizarre world, fantasizing about sleeping with any contestant wearing a dress.

Over the past 2 days, it has been confirmed that Lopez and Tyler are done with Idol. Good riddance, I say. I'm just surprised they stayed for two whole seasons. They're big stars who still have active careers, making music and/or movies. And for that reason, I believe bringing in Mariah Carey, which is the rumor, is a mistake. Carey is personification of diva. I can't imagine her being a judge is a long term solution. If I was Idol, you need someone with some star power but it doesn't need to be at Jlo or Carey's level. Even a star from the 80's or 90's who hasn't been heard from much lately, would be a fit.

IMO, Idol will never be the same until Simon Cowell returns.

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

A Talk Between Mike Gillis and Jason Garrison

Mike Gillis: Jason, we're a big fan of yours and would love to have you join the Canucks organization.

Jason Garrison: Mike, it's always been a dream of mine to play in Vancouver. I grew up as a huge Canucks fan and hoped this day would become a reality.

Mike Gillis: Well, that's good to hear. We have a tight knit group here. We do things a little different here. You've probably heard about the sleep doctor and stuff of that nature.

Jason Garrison: Sure, the organization sounds very forward thinking and I love that. I can't tell you how happy I am. I've got to be the luckiest man in the world! Is there anything else I should know?

Mike Gillis: Umm, not really.....well just one. We ask our players not to post videos of their hunting trips. Our fanbase is full of crazy, left-wing loons and they don't like looking at dead animals. Just between you and me, I think this city is full of pussies. Anyway, you'll be ok with not showing off your kills, right?

Jason Garrison: Bye.